please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
