The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
