Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
