zippers are such a cool invention
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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