I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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