I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
