Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
