It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
