Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
