if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
