well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
