remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
this is an emotional support booty call
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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