I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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