but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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