So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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