i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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