Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
