let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
