Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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