he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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