she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You smell like a Billy Joel song
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
