hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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