he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize