Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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