so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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