note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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