I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This is my gift to your gina
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
