sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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