That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
