You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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