Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
