Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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