that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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