Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize