you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
