I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
