I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
