you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
