The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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