I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
