He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
