Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
