So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
