she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
cat food counts as protein by the way
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
