You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
