so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
