Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
