One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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