I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
