I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I need moral support for this bender
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
