i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
