our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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