there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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