I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
