3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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