your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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