Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
