my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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