you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
