If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
