my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize