this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
