I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
