I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
