i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
