I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
