she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My penis needs a shock collar
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
