Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
