3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
