Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
