It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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