Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
