I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
