Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
