it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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