I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
