This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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