how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my poor anus
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
