Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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